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Dining out is an occasional indulgence for some people. For some, it is a way of life. Whatever the case for you, careful choices and moderate portions will help you make dining out part of a wise overall plan for your diabetes nutrition.

1-Research the menus. Ask the waiter about recipes.

Many restaurants include information about the nutrition values of their entrees. When this resource is available to you, take advantage of it. Research food or meal options at those establishments to make the healthiest choices possible.

2-Keep your helpings of food in check.

Diabetes nutrition is based on moderate portions, so keep portion sizes in check. Large portions are the norm at many restaurants.

How to control your portions.

Always choose the smallest meal size if they offer you options. Share part of your meal with a dining partner or request a take-home container. Avoid “dangerous” places like all-you-can-eat buffets. Resist overeating will be surely hard with that many options. Small amounts of many different foods can obviously add up to a large calorie count.

3-Make substitutions.

Choose for example a diabetes-friendly side salad or a double order of vegetable, instead of fries. Do not settle for what comes with your meal or sandwich with the eyes closed. Try a flavored vinegar or a squeeze of lemon juice on your salad, or use fat-free or low-fat salad dressing rather than the regular variety. Instead of shredded cheese and sour cream, ask for salsa with your burrito. On sandwiches, substitute mustard, ketchup, fat-free mayonnaise or a slice of tomato for the house dressings or creamy sauces.

4-Watch the “extras”.

Keep in mind that the extras such as croutons, fried chips and bacon bits can undermine your diabetes nutrition goals by increasing the carb and calorie count. So watch the extras! Do not ever forget that all the additions have calories, even the healthier ones, like barbecue sauce, fat-free mayonnaise and salad dressings. Notwithstanding, you can enjoy small servings of these, without sabotaging your meal plan.

5-If possible, speak with the chef.

Food preparation is also worth to consider. Avoid fried and breaded food. Instead request that your food be roasted, grilled or broiled. Whenever necessary and possible, ask if the chef can use skinless chicken, whole-grain bread and low-cholesterol eggs. If you are to order pizza, avoid doubling on meat or cheese, and request lots of vegetables and just a thin crust. Ask that no salt or MSG be added to your food if you are on a low-sodium diet. When you request healthier options and substitutions, do not feel like you are stepping out of line. You have the right to do it. You just try to stay committed to your meal plan, and you are simply doing what it takes to accomplish that.

6-Avoid high-calorie beverages.

Watch what you drink. Keep an eye on the continuously refilled soda glass. Each glass of sugar-sweetened soda adds hundreds of calories to your meal. Ice-cream drinks and shakes may be even worse. They have more calories, as well as saturated fat. Instead, drink water, diet soda, sparkling water, mineral water or unsweetened iced tea.

7-Refrain from overdrinking alcohol.

Alcohol is another crucial matter. Alcohol has its own caveats because it can worsen your diabetes. An occasional drink with a meal is fine, if your diabetes is under control and your doctor agrees. Remember that alcohol adds empty, non-nutritive calories to your meal. Diabetes complications, such as eye disease and nerve damage, might be the immediate consequences of drinking imprudently. Nevertheless, if you choose to drink alcohol, opt for light beer or dry wines, beverages with fewer calories and carbohydrates. Other options can be mixed drinks made with sugar-free mixers such as diet tonic, club soda, seltzer or diet soda. One or two drinks a day should be your limit, anyway.

8-Eat out at your usual time.

Sometimes it is hard to maintain the blood sugar level steady, especially if one takes insulin shots or diabetes pills. Eating at the same time every day can help achieve that.

Follow these steps if you are dining out with others:

+ Schedule the gathering at the time you usually eat.

+ Try to avoid times when the restaurant is busiest, or make a reservation to avoid waiting for a table for long  periods.

+ If you cannot avoid dining out later than usual, snack on a starch serving or a fruit from the upcoming meal at your usual mealtime.

9-Save room for the afters.

Sweets are not necessarily off-limits. Just remember that sweets count as carbohydrates in your meal. Reduce the amount of other carbohydrates in your meal, such as tortillas, rice, bread, potatoes or milk, if you would like dessert.

Bottom line: the point is to never forget the principles of diabetes nutrition, whether you are at home or dining out. Limit the amount of carbohydrates, salt and fat in your diet. Eat a diversity of healthy foods.

Responsibly follow the nutrition guidelines set by your dietitian or doctor. If you do that and work together with them, you can afford the joy of eating out without setting your meal plan aside.

JOSE TALAVERA – Health advisor. Diabetes expert. Experienced consultant and author. If you like this article, please visit the web site below for more advice and resources: http://conquer-diabetes.blogspot.com

Owning your own home-based business is by and large a very rewarding, exciting endeavor. You can set your own schedule, and be where you want, when you want. You can oftentimes forego the commute to a “regular job” and save money on gas and other “niceties” that are expensive in the work-a-day world, such as lunches, parking fees, etc.

There are unexpected pitfalls and disadvantages, though, in the owning and operating of a home-based business. Some are psychological, some are emotional, and others are purely physical. The unexpected stresses of a home-based business are really one of the major obstacles that need to be overcome by business owners. Many new business owners are unprepared for just how much stress is involved, actually.

Home-based business stresses usually fall into three overall categories:

1. Psychological : Employees, Finances, Legal, and Operations

2. Emotional: Family, Friends, Change of Personal Routines, Personal Disruptions, Isolation

3. Physical: Sedentary Lifestyle, Poor Eating Habits, Overwork

Many business owners, in order to prevent the psychological stress will have plans in place for dealing with these particular stress factors, prior to their occurrence. This is a proactive approach that is infinitely better than having a reactive approach to these occurrences.

Each business owner should have a financial plan in place for the times when orders or clients are few and far between (slow times), as well as a good accountant to call when necessary. Each business owner should also have a lawyer who they trust and can turn to for advice if necessary (we do live in a very litigious society). And each business owner should have a plan for sickness among employees and hiring and firing protocols firmly in place. Machinery and replacement of business supplies should also be well planned in advance, and purchased according to well laid out plans for expenditures.

Leadership skills will need to be developed, as a new business owner who is used to being part of a team, will find working alone and “being in charge” a somewhat difficult transition at first. Books on leadership skills abound and it is a good idea to do readings on the development of these to proactively avoid the psychological stress that comes with this change in roles. Working alone and making decisions alone is quite different from the conformity and decisions made within a group.

If a proactive approach is taken, the psychological stresses of a new business can easily be prevented, or at least lessened.

The emotional stresses of a home-based business are usually a bit more difficult to ascertain and tackle when they occur. Some of these stress factors can come directly from well-meaning family and friends, unfortunately, and the approach is of course, much different. Since a home-based business is directly tied usually to the home life of an individual, there is less chance to escape these stresses, than with a traditional method of employment. A new birth in a family, a death of a loved one, illness, or simply a change of schedule of another family member, can greatly impact the daily workings and routine of a home-based business.

In addition, family and friends may view the business owner as “being at their disposal” all day now, as the business owner is now “home” much of the time. These well meaning individuals may call or visit all the time, and also expect the business owner to take care of their needs before the needs of the business. This is simple human nature, but is very distracting for the business owner. The only way this can be successfully overcome is to make plans well ahead of time for any changes in routine, if possible, and adjust the schedule accordingly as the changes occur. Well meaning family and friends need to be told with certainty that there are “business hours” and “personal hours” and a business owner needs to remain firm in their resolve in regard to these issues.

Stressing over emotional stress will just escalate an already stressful situation.

Another unexpected emotional stress comes many times from the feeling of isolation and loneliness that business owners may experience. Business owners many times are unprepared for the time they now find they spend alone within the parameters of their home-based businesses. A home-based business owner, while relieved to leave the workforce, sometimes does not realize that the workforce provided social opportunities that are now missing from their lives. Many hours may be spent alone each day, which can lead to loneliness and even depression in some cases.

The best approach to combating this type of isolation is to actively plan social opportunities. Planned outings with family and friends should be made regularly. Business owners may also join community groups that expose them to other business owners or others within the community. The local Chamber of Commerce and other volunteer groups are a great way to make connections for the business and also enhance the social experiences of business owners. No one can exist in a void, so the social aspects of a business can’t be ignored.

Finally, owning and operating your own home-based business brings with it some purely physical stresses. Like most office jobs, a home-based business can lead to a more sedentary lifestyle, as owners may spend most of their days in the running of the business, either slumped in an office chair, or hunched over a computer, depending upon the requirements of the business. Because of the long hours involved in any business, business owners may also eat “on the run”, grabbing whatever is at their disposal, rather than planning meals, which compromises their nutrition. The sedentary lifestyle and bad eating habits can lead to weight gain and other physical ailments associated with poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyles: high cholesterol, lack of energy, loss of muscle tone, and a deficiency of vitamin D from being indoors more than usual.

The sedentary lifestyle is the easiest however, of the stresses to avoid or to change. All it takes is a dedication to an exercise routine that includes some form of daily physical exercise, and an adherence to a diet that is well planned and nutritious. Just some planning is needed and some will power in order to stay focused on achieving physical activity daily and good nutrition. It would be beneficial, if at all possible, to join a gym or health club, as the physical and emotional stresses can be avoided by belonging to one, as a gym also provides social opportunities. Even a simple walk each day can increase exercise, exposure to sunlight, and create social opportunities.

A tendency to do too much each day, is a syndrome many business owners fall prey to also. Overwork can leave anyone run down, and open to many diseases as the immune system becomes compromised. A business owner is of course, very excited and energetic about the business, which can lead into this syndrome of overwork. A schedule should be maintained to combat this syndrome, with set hours for “doing business” and set hours for “relaxation” included in each day. Trying to do too much all the time just leads business owners into a decrease of productivity, rather than an increase of productivity.

As you can see, having a home-based business, while very rewarding in many ways, can have many deleterious effects on the physical, mental and emotional states of business owners. Many business owners fail to plan for these changes, and yet, if planning is done, the negative effects can be minimized to a great degree.

If a business owner takes care of themselves and their own needs, overall, the business will also profit from this positive behavior! A happy, healthy business owner means a happy, healthy business!

———–
Vishal P. Rao is the owner of Work at Home Forum, an online community of people who work from home.
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Collector Car Insurance and Classic Car Insurance

If you are fortunate enough to own a classic car – or any collectible automobile – then you want to ensure that your luck does not run out because of having inadequate insurance coverage. Call it covering your butt – or covering your “asset” – but by all means, call one of the major providers such as American Collectors, Haggerty, or Parish Heacock insurance companies and let them put you in the driver’s seat in terms of professional protection of your cherished automotive investment.

How to Kick the Tires on Classic Car Insurance

The whole idea of insurance is that it needs to do what you expect of it in an emergency, when the rubber really hits the road. And classic car insurance is as different from conventional auto insurance as, well, a classic car is from your run of the mill generic vehicle.

When you buy a classic car insurance policy, you are essentially purchasing protection for those times when – God forbid and knock on wood it doesn’t happen – disaster strikes in the form of a fire, a collision, or an act of theft or vandalism. Just as we now have modern airbags to save us in the event of a crash, we also have collector’s car insurance, to protect us with adequate moneybags when calamity throws a wrench in the works.

The time you invest in choosing the right classic car insurance coverage is well worth the value and peace of mind that a quality collector’s insurance policy delivers for owners of classic motor cars.

The Nuts and Bolts of Classic Car Insurance Coverage

Collector car insurance is not the same as the insurance you buy for normal coverage of your daily transportation. Collector car insurance, or classic car insurance, is made especially for the needs of the car collector. And while ordinary insurance does offer some protection, no matter what you drive, it can leave you high and dry in the event of a loss that it not effectively covered by the terms of the insurance contract.

For example, you may have a garage-kept Cadillac Sedan DeVille with swooping fins your grandparents bought for $7,000 brand new back in the 1960s. But dealers have offered you three times that much, and you saw another one sell at an auto show for $35,000. If you don’t have special collector car insurance or classic car insurance, and the car is totaled, you will be lucky to get $7,000 for it. With depreciation calculated in, the insurance statisticians may decide that it is worth only half that much, or less, and you could wind up with two or three grand in exchange for your dream machine.

Stipulations or requirements normally encountered while shopping for collector car insurance or classic car insurance:

• A decent driving record.
• At least 10 years driving experience
• No teen drivers on the policy or drivers with poor driving records
• Secure and out of the weather garage
• Proof that you have another car for daily transportation
• Collector vehicle insurance is sometimes limited by the age of your car, and if your car is too young it may not qualify for a particular policy.
• Limited mileage. You probably don’t want to drive your creampuff car all the time, and your insurance company doesn’t want you to either. Mileage limits have increased recently, though, so if you can live with 250 miles a month you’re probably okay.

Coverage with collector car insurance or classic car insurance: Three kinds of value are important to understand when buying your policy. 1) Actual cash value: This is what you usually get with ordinary insurance, and is based on replacement cost minus depreciation.

2) Stated value:

The insurance company pays up to the stated value of the car, but may not guarantee the full stated value. And deductibles of up to $1,000 usually apply.

3) Agreed value:

In most jurisdictions, those who provide collector car insurance or classic car insurance are allowed to insure for a value that you and your insurer agree upon. And for most autos, there is no deductible. If your $100,000 vintage Rolls get trashed, you get a check for 100 grand, plain and simple – which is exactly why collectors use special classic car insurance coverage.

Do a periodic review of your coverage limits, because classic car prices are rising. What you insured your cherry classic for ten years ago may be a fraction of what it’s worth today. And if you are restoring a vehicle, ask your agent to give you appropriate insurance. There is no need to pay extra based on mileage statistics, if your car is up on blocks with no engine inside it. And as the car’s value increases thanks to your hard work of restoring it, you should raise the coverage to keep up with the added value of the restoration.

Keep all your receipts and paperwork – for everything from parts and labor to expenses incurred to take it to a classic car show – so that you can document the total investment your collector’s car represents. And take photos and keep them updated, for the same reason. And Last But Not Least: Special Savings Opportunities

As long as you meet the criteria in terms of how you use and take care of the car, you can usually buy a policy.

Traditional insurers will either refuse coverage, offer only a replacement value based on the nuts and bolts (minus heavy depreciation) of the car, or will charge you a prohibitive amount for the premium. But many collectors find that special collector’s coverage saves them money – as much as half – while insuring them for higher limits, sometime three or four times what a traditional company gave them.

Yes, it’s possible to get collector’s insurance coverage for full market value for your car, and save up to 50 percent off of the premium you’d pay with ordinary insurance. That makes classic car insurance a must-have for any serious car buff.

Below is information about three of the most reputable and dependable collectors and classic car insurance companies in the USA (All information listed below subject to change, please contact the insurance companies listed to be sure.):

Hagerty Insurance P.O. Box 1303 Traverse City, MI 49685-1303

Email: auto@hagerty.com Toll Free: 800-922-4050

Qualifications:

• Similar to the others listed below, but please contact Haggerty for details.

American Collectors Insurance P.O. Box 8343 Cherry Hill, NJ 08002 Email: info@americancollectors.com Toll Free: (800) 360-2277 Qualifications (subject to change or regional laws so check with the company for specific up-to-date information).

• At least 15 years old
• Garage-kept
• Driven on a limited, pleasure-only basis (up to 5,000 annual miles – available in most states)

You may also qualify by:

• Having at least 10 years driving experience
• Having a good driving record
• Having at least one “regular” vehicle for every licensed driver in the household You may request a policy application either directly from American Collectors Insurance or through your local insurance agent (rates are the same either way).

Parish Heacock Classic Car Insurance P.O. Box 24807 Lakeland, FL 33802-4807 Email: info@parishheacock.com Toll free: (800) 678-5173 Qualifications (subject to change or regional laws so check with the company for specific up-to-date information).

• Each household member of driving age must have at least 10 years driving experience or be excluded.
• Each household member must have a regular use vehicle less than 15 years old that is insured with liability limits equal to or higher than the limits being applied for on the collectible vehicle.
• All licensed members of household and any other drivers of the vehicle must be listed on the application.
• Maximum of two accidents or violations in the household, maximum of one per licensed household member in past 3 years. No major violations permitted in past 5 years.
• A Driver Health Questionnaire must be completed for all drivers over 70 years old.
• Auto must be stored in a locked permanent garage facility when not driven.
• Auto may not be used for commuting to or from work or school, used for business purposes or as a substitute for another auto.
• Autos not covered while on a racetrack or when being used for: racing, speed, driver’s education, or timed events.
• Must display pride of ownership: well maintained, in restored or well-preserved condition.
• Vehicles under restoration must be stored at residence or a restoration shop, with a target date for completion. Agreed value coverage is not available on cars under restoration. Eligibility subject to company review.
• Replica Vehicles and Pro Street vehicles are subject to company review.
• Trucks and Jeeps must be over 25 years old, and not be used for towing, hauling, off-road or utility use.
• Generally do not require appraisals, but may ask for one if vehicle value is difficult to determine.

Michael Modica is an avid musclecar fan. He is the webmaster of the world’s leading Second Generation Camaro resouce, http://www.nastyz28.com

When parents become involved in divorce proceedings, the emotional impact on their children is usually brutal and long lasting. Parents can reduce the emotional impact on their children, by utilizing the following tips:

1. Attempt reconciliation.

2. If reconciliation is possible, do not hesitate to place the divorce proceedings on hold.

3. If reconciliation is possible, do not let your parents, other family members, or friends, keep you from attempting the same.

4. If reconciliation is not possible, do your best not to delay the divorce proceedings.

5. If reconciliation is not possible, quit having sex with each other, because such activity will only taint any resolution of the various issues when the sex stops.

6. Be honest with yourself, your spouse/ex-spouse, and your children.

7. If you are feeling down/depressed, take an inventory of the good things in your life; place your children first on the list.

8. Suicide is not an option. If you have thoughts of suicide, seek help immediately.

9. If your spouse/ex-spouse is abusing you and/or your children, seek help immediately.

10. Stop trying to figure out why your marriage did not work; after a certain point in time, it becomes counter-productive.

11. If you are experiencing a financial crunch during or after the divorce, do not dwell on it in front of your children; try to obtain a higher paying job, or a second job if necessary.

12. Utilize family counseling and individual counseling for your children and yourself.

13. If you and your spouse/ex-spouse cannot agree on a counselor for your children, you should each select a counselor, and then let such counselors select an independent counselor. The independent counselor should then decide on how the counseling sessions should take place; with parents, without parents, etc.

14. Do not make your divorce a public event; save the “dirt” for discussions with your counselor.

15. Put aside your pain and anger, and focus on the best interests of your children.

16. Make your children feel safe and loved at all times.

17. It is best if both parents, as a couple, inform their children of their decision to obtain a divorce, and that neither parent is at fault.

18. Listen to, and address your children’s concerns and feelings; let your children vent. Allow your children to ask questions; in answering your children’s questions, do not compromise your spouse/ex-spouse’s character, integrity, and reputation.

19. If your children are not interested or ready to talk about the divorce, be patient and wait until they are ready.

20. Explain to your children, as often as necessary, that they are not the cause of the divorce.

21. If your children side with your spouse/ex-spouse, do not hold it against them; try to put yourself in your children’s shoes; try to understand your children’s concerns/feelings.

22. Do not be reluctant to apologize to your children; apologize as often as necessary.

23. Both parents should inform the children’s counselors at school of their decision to divorce.

24. Be alert to signs of distress in your children (aggressiveness, depression, mood swings, loss of self-esteem, poor performance at school, etc.), and immediately attend to such distress and/or seek professional help.

25. Provide your children with emotional support, and do not expect them to replace the emotional support you previously received from your spouse/ex-spouse.

26. Play an active role in your children’s school and other activities during and after the divorce proceedings.

27. If one of the parties is keeping the marital home in the property settlement, do your best to keep your children’s bedroom sets, and as much of the other furniture, in such home; there is enough other things for your children to adjust to; like both of their parents not being under the same roof.

28. Allow your children to make some decisions with your new home so they feel a part of it; for example, where to place furniture and pictures.

29. Do not look at child support as an obligation, but as something that you want to pay for the benefit of your children.

30. Child support is for your children, do not agree to take a lesser amount to appease your spouse/ex-spouse, or as a result of pride.

31. Do not send your children to your spouse/ex-spouse’s home in tattered clothes, or their pajamas, to force your spouse/ex-spouse to purchase additional clothing.

32. Do not have your spouse/ex-spouse served with court papers when you know your children will be present.

33. Be patient. If you have children and you and your spouse have settled all issues, it will take at least 5 months after the Complaint has been filed to obtain a divorce. If you and your spouse are having difficulty settling all issues, it could easily take 8 months to 18 months to obtain a divorce.

34. Stay focused on the big issues: custody, parenting time, child support, property settlement, and spousal support. Do not incur needless legal fees to argue, or fight over insignificant issues.

35. Control your attorney.

36. Do not have your attorney file motions to seek psychological evaluations of your spouse and children to simply gain leverage in the divorce proceedings.

37. Do not file for a personal protection order to gain leverage in the divorce proceedings.

38. Do not antagonize your spouse to commit an act of domestic violence to gain leverage in the divorce proceedings.

39. Call the police only when necessary.

40. Call Children’s Protective Services only when necessary.

41. Do not make false allegations regarding emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse of your children; false allegations can never be taken back.

42. Do not withhold, or attempt to withhold, parenting time as a means to gain leverage in the divorce proceedings, or to hurt your spouse/ex-spouse during or after the divorce.

43. If your spouse is no longer residing at the marital home during the divorce proceedings, but is paying for the marital home expenses, do not intentionally “run-up” the bills (by running the sprinkler system and by heating the pool around the clock) to increase the expenses that your spouse will have to pay; this simply reduces the amount of money that can be spent on your children and other necessary expenses.

44. If a representative of the Friend of the Court will be interviewing your children with respect to their preference to reside with you or your spouse, do not attempt to prep or sway your children before the interview.

45. Do not have your children write letters to the Court, or the Friend of the Court, on your behalf.

46. Do not bring your children to the divorce proceedings unless requested by the Court.

47. Do not bring parents and/or other family members to the divorce proceedings.

48. Try to resolve your differences short of a trial, between yourselves with the assistance of your attorneys, or through the use of an arbitrator, facilitator, or mediator; a trial deepens/hardens anger and resentment.

49. Honor the agreements you reach with your spouse/ex-spouse regarding divorce issues and/or children issues; placing such agreements in the Judgment of Divorce will avoid confusion.

50. The Judgment of Divorce should contain a detailed parenting time schedule instead of leaving it open; you and your ex-spouse can always deviate from the schedule if you are communicating; it avoids the necessity of having to return to Court if you and your ex-spouse stop communicating.

51. Pay your child support.

52. Pay your child care expenses.

53. Pay your children’s medical reimbursements to your spouse/ex-spouse.

54. Each parent should have as much parenting time as possible. Although it may be difficult on everyone, the parents should work toward a 50/50 split with respect to parenting time. The above may not be possible, if each parent lives in a different school district after the divorce, if the children have been abused by a parent, etc.

55. Discuss parenting time with your children only when both parents are present.

56. Spend as much time with your children as possible; never refuse extra parenting time.

57. Parenting time should be exercised on a consistent basis, without long gaps between visits with your children. Show up, and do not be late, for all scheduled parenting time.

58. If you cannot see your children on a consistent basis, you should telephone, write, e-mail, text message, send cards, etc., on a consistent basis.

59. Do not agree to a parenting time schedule that separates your children.

60. Do not agree to a parenting time schedule that is initiated by your children. Under this arrangement, the parent that does not have physical custody of the children will only have parenting time when the children initiate the same. This arrangement gives the custodial parent the opportunity to convince the children to be indifferent or hostile toward the non-custodial parent. This arrangement also gives the children too much control/power over the non-custodial parent. The above may not be applicable if the children have been abused by the non-custodial parent.

61. A shorter distance between your home and your spouse/ex-spouse’s home will allow for more flexibility with respect to parenting time; will make it easier for the parents to fill-in for each other; will make it easier for the non-custodial parent to attend the children’s school and other functions; etc.

62. Avoid treating your children like a guest in your home; include them in family activities such as making dinner, doing the dishes, cutting the lawn, etc.

63. Avoid structuring every moment of parenting time around an activity or event; a majority of parenting time should involve everyday life.

64. To the extent you can afford it, have clothes and toiletries for your children at both of your homes.

65. If your children need something during or after the divorce proceedings when you are engaging in parenting time, obtain it for them if possible, and work out the economics with your spouse/ex-spouse at a later time.

66. Be flexible with your spouse/ex-spouse as far as parenting time; fill-in for each other when necessary.

67. Do not argue in front of your children.

68. Do not discuss your bedroom issues in front of your children.

69. Do not attempt to convince your children that your spouse/ex-spouse was the cause of the divorce; they will make their own assessment, if they feel the need to do so, as they grow older.

70. Do not attempt to influence your children to be indifferent or hostile toward your spouse/ex-spouse; this is one of the worst forms of child abuse.

71. Never make comments to your children that compare them to your spouse/ex-spouse in a negative way.

72. Never, for any reason, resort to physical violence with your spouse/ex-spouse, or children.

73. Do not abandon your children no matter what hurdles are placed in front of you by your spouse/ex-spouse.

74. Do not talk about custody with your children.

75. Do not talk about child support with your children.

76. Do not talk about the division of property with your children.

77. Do not talk about spousal support with your children.

78. If you are entitled to spousal support, do not turn it down out of pride, accept it, save it, and utilize it to assist your children with college and other expenses.

79. Do not discuss the Court proceedings and rulings with your children.

80. Do not leave any paperwork regarding the divorce in any place at your home where your children will be able to find and read it.

81. If the marital home is being sold as part of the property settlement, do not have your children present when such home is being shown to potential buyers.

82. Do not have your children present when you are moving furniture and other belongings out of the marital home.

83. Do not damage your spouse/ex-spouse’s property; it sets the wrong example for your children because they will eventually find out about it.

84. Do not ask your children what your spouse/ex-spouse is doing.

85. Do not ask your children what your spouse/ex-spouse is spending money on.

86. Do not use your children to forward bills or messages to your spouse/ex-spouse.

87. Do not have your children lie for you.

88. Do not fight for extra parenting time simply to reduce child support.

89. Do not threaten your spouse/ex-spouse that you will stop seeing your children if you have to pay child support and child care expenses.

90. Do not over-dramatize your children’s deficiencies or illnesses, in an attempt to increase spousal support, because you would rather stay at home instead of also contributing economically to your children.

91. Do not think that you are punishing your spouse/ex-spouse by not exercising parenting time with your children; you are only punishing your children.

92. Do not withhold parenting time because child support is late.

93. Do not pass on a better career opportunity to avoid paying higher child support.

94. Do not convey to your children that you are unable to purchase an item because your spouse/ex-spouse is not paying child support or other expenses, or because you are paying child support and other expenses.

95. Do not give gifts to your children with restrictions. For example, if you buy your child a bike, do not force your child to keep it at your home if he/she wants to bring it to your spouse/ex-spouse’s home.

96. Do not let your differences keep you and your spouse/ex-spouse from both attending special events in your children’s lives; graduations, weddings, etc.

97. Do not tell your children that they are a “mistake” (“Dad did not want you” or “Mom did not want you”).

98. Do not talk badly about your spouse/ex-spouse in front of your children.

99. Do not talk badly about your spouse/ex-spouse to family, friends, or third parties.

100. Do not allow your family, friends, or third parties to talk badly about your spouse/ex-spouse in front of your children.

101. Do not allow your family, friends, or third parties to control the decisions you make with your spouse/ex-spouse regarding your children.

102. Do not allow your family or friends to move into the marital home during the divorce proceedings; it simply adds to the turmoil in most cases.

103. Do not shower your children with gifts to win them over; during the divorce proceedings, all gifts should be from both mom and dad.

104. Do not fake an illness, or dramatize a health issue, to obtain your children’s attention and/or sympathy.

105. Do not allow your children to play you and your ex-spouse against each other.

106. Start new traditions with your children.

107. Allow your children to express their love for your spouse/ex-spouse in your presence, and allow your children to have pictures of your spouse/ex-spouse in their rooms.

108. As your children become older, realize that parenting time and responsibilities may have to be altered to meet the changing needs and schedules of your children.

109. Do not make your children feel uncomfortable when you are exercising your parenting time and they want to contact (via phone calls, e-mails, or text messages) your spouse/ex-spouse. Do not check the previous call listing on your children’s mobile phones to see how many times they contact your spouse/ex-spouse when you are exercising your parenting time.

110. Do not make your children feel uncomfortable, when they are leaving your home so your spouse/ex-spouse can exercise parenting time.

111. Be civil to your spouse/ex-spouse when he/she is picking up your children to exercise his/her parenting time; do not make your spouse/ex-spouse pick your children up at the curb, at other family member’s homes, the police station, or other establishments, because you cannot be civil with one another.

112. Do not interrupt your children’s time with your spouse/ex-spouse by excessively contacting them when they are with your spouse/ex-spouse.

113. Figure out a way to be friends with your ex-spouse; try to forgive and forget; you will be parents for life.

114. Try to develop a degree of trust with your spouse/ex-spouse when it comes to issues surrounding your children.

115. Establish a game plan with your spouse/ex-spouse to solve issues surrounding your children; at a minimum, meet alone on a quarterly basis; limit the time of the discussion; stick to the issues; do not bring up the past; try to compromise and come to a resolution, etc.

116. Never stop communicating with your spouse/ex-spouse about your children’s educational, medical, religious, and daily issues.

117. If you and your ex-spouse cannot reach an agreement on issues concerning your children after the divorce, consider a counselor, mediator, or parenting-time coordinator who will decide issues after each parent presents their respective views; a counselor, mediator, or parenting-time coordinator will be quicker and cheaper than using the Courts.

118. If you utilize a parenting-time coordinator, make sure that the parenting-time coordinator is qualified; make sure he/she has children of his/her own.

119. If you cannot communicate directly with your spouse/ex-spouse regarding divorce issues and/or your children, use e-mails and text messages to communicate.

120. Attempt to coordinate your children’s routines (activities, homework, curfew, bedtime, etc.) with your spouse/ex-spouse while they are with each parent.

121. Have your children’s report cards sent to you and your spouse/ex-spouse.

122. You and your spouse/ex-spouse should exchange copies of any schedules regarding your children’s school activities, dates of parent/teacher conferences, etc.

123. You and your spouse/ex-spouse should encourage your children to follow the household rules where they are residing.

124. If your children are sick or injured during your parenting time, contact your spouse/ex-spouse as soon as possible.

125. Be supportive of the other parent’s role; do not criticize his/her career, the location of his/her home, size of his/her home, etc.

126. Encourage your children to have a good relationship and to spend time with your spouse/ex-spouse; even after your children become adults.

127. If your children are upset with you spouse/ex-spouse, do your best to calm them down.

128. If your children have a complaint about your spouse/ex-spouse, encourage them to bring it to the attention of your spouse/ex-spouse.

129. Assist your children in buying cards and gifts for your spouse/ex-spouse.

130. Do not knowingly schedule your children’s special events on days that your spouse/ex-spouse will be out of town so as to keep your spouse/ex-spouse from attending.

131. Coordinate with your spouse/ex-spouse with respect to gift giving for your children’s special events.

132. Do not schedule extracurricular activities for your children if they interfere with your spouse/ex-spouse’s parenting time unless you obtain their prior consent.

133. If your spouse/ex-spouse has yearly events that they attend with your children, do your best to plan/alter your parenting time so as to not interfere with such events.

134. Support and promote your children’s relationships with your spouse/ex-spouse’s parents (grandparents), brothers (uncles) sisters (aunts), nieces and nephews.

135. Allow your spouse/ex-spouse or their family members to assist in watching your children while you are at work to reduce child care expenses.

136. If a relative asks your child to assist with a project, make sure the relative speaks with your spouse/ex-spouse, if assisting with such project impacts your spouse/ex-spouse’s parenting time, or if you think your spouse/ex-spouse might not approve of your child assisting with such project.

137. On occasion, have breakfast, lunch, or dinner with your spouse/ex-spouse and children; give your children a sense of family, even if it is for a short period of time.

138. Move on with your personal life; do not live in the past.

139. Continue to be an adult and parent after the divorce; there is no need to act like a teenager.

140. Let your children know when you are dating, and do not forget about your children when you are dating.

141. Take your time (approximately 1 year) before you introduce a new girlfriend/boyfriend to your children; make sure that the relationship is a serious one before introducing your children to the new girlfriend/boyfriend.

142. When you introduce a new girlfriend/boyfriend to your children, inform your spouse/ex-spouse first so your children do not feel caught in the middle; so they do not feel they are hiding something from your spouse/ex-spouse.

143. When you introduce a new girlfriend/boyfriend to your children, keep it from being a big production.

144. If your new girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has children, do not place such children ahead of your own children; emotionally or otherwise.

145. Make sure that your children are not the last ones to know that you are planning to remarry.

146. Before you remarry, clearly discuss your future spouse’s expectations and role with your children; do not allow your future spouse to replace, or attempt to replace, an active and supportive biological parent.

147. Before you remarry, protect your children’s inheritance via a will, trust, pre-nuptial agreement, etc.

148. After you remarry, start new traditions; but do not discard the old traditions, and continue to reserve some time to be alone with your children.

149. Only the biological parent should punish the children. The step-parent should not attempt to impose his or her will, but should conduct him or herself in the same manner as an aunt or uncle.

150. Do not allow your new spouse to take the lead (or be put in the middle) when dealing with your ex-spouse regarding issues that deal with your children.

151. Support your children’s relationships with your ex-spouse’s new spouse and step-children.

152. Cooperate, compromise, and respect each other.

153. Remember, your children are always watching and listening; set a good example for them.

The author welcomes readers to forward this article to parents involved in divorce proceedings; he also welcomes readers to forward additional tips to his attention so this article can be supplemented based on the experiences of others.

Armand Velardo is a shareholder at Ruggirello, Velardo, Novara & Ver Beek, P.C., which is located at 65 Southbound Gratiot, Mount Clemens, Michigan 48043. Mr. Velardo’s practice focuses on family law, business planning, estate planning, personal injury, and commercial litigation. Mr. Velardo has a B.S.B.A. from Wayne State University, a J.D. from Wayne State University, a LL.M. in Taxation from Wayne State University; and he is also a Certified Public Accountant. Mr. Velardo can be contacted at (586) 469-8660 (office phone), or at (586) 918-3380 (cell phone), or via e-mail at avelardo@rvnvlaw.com.

Copyright 2004-2010, Armand Velardo, Esq., All Rights Reserved.